Two Months...

Boppa and his beloved Luka

Quite honestly, I don’t think there is a single, solitary thing that could ever prepare anyone for the overwhelming amount of emotions that come after losing someone. There are no books, no websites, no counselors, no doctors, no peers that could ever properly explain to you how devastating it will be…how it will inconceivably alter your entire outlook on life…how it will change you.
I think today is actually harder, if that’s even possible, than the day we lost him. The blur has lifted and reality has settled in. It is a fact of our life now, that he will not be coming home. It is something I have struggled to grasp…how we parted that day as if there would be so many more days to follow. I had so much to tell him…things I had actually written down to make sure I remembered…and yet they went unspoken.
My emotions on this journey are so unfamiliar to me. At times, I am uncomfortable being with my own self as I never know what the next moment will bring. The anger, the confusion, the guilt, the extreme lows you pray will pass through quickly. However, there are many many bits of happy entangled in there too and for that I am ever so grateful. We have had many of those happy bits lately and yet all I can think is that I wish, so much, he were here.
I struggle to put my thoughts into words today. My heart is hurting. It has been two months today…

Missing, missing, missing….
Your Cowcie