The last lesson.

...Brady's parents were coming the next day. I wanted everything to be perfect. The floors were spotless, not a speck of dust to be seen, all sheets were washed, mints adorned the pillows, Aquafina water accompanied the night stands, and white towels laid perfectly folded ready to be used. I would soon find out that all of our hard work would not matter. 12:26 A.M. the phone rang. I was on the computer getting information I needed for a shoot early the next day. Brady was watching TV waiting for me to come to bed. Mom's cell phone number scrolled across the screen. It took me time to register the number. She never called that late. I knew. Before she even said the words I knew. They staggered out of her mouth one by one each word a bit more jagged than the next. By the time she finished I was on my knees...
I have pleaded with God...begged and bargained...made promises that I would do so many things differently if He would just honor this one request and bring you back. I have yelled at Him..shouted and screamed...asked how He could possibly do this to me. To us. How He could change our entire lives in one teeny tiny blink of an eye. The truth is I know He did not do this to us. I know that you have always been His and just as He put you on this earth, He would decide when He wanted to call you home. That night Aunt Cheryl rushed over as helicopters hovered over the house ready to take you...and just as she walked into the house, they flew away. When she told me of how she watched them go it made me ill. ..to know we would not need them...that they wouldn't be taking you that night...that God had already made the decision to take you.
Mom e-mailed me today and asked me 'what if'? What if we had done things differently? What if she had screamed at you to come back...insisted you be here? She was busy calling the ambulance...would you have heard her? I believe with all of my being that you would not have come. Not because you didn't love us and didn't want to come back, but because where you are is far more beautiful than this earth we live in...because you always said you would be ready when you were called...because your faith was so strong...because apparently there is a lesson for each of us to learn.
I talked with my grief counselor, Linda, last week. She ended our session by telling me that this is the last lesson you will ever teach me and it will be the most important one. I hope I can make you proud Papa...size 13 shoes never did look good on me...you know I've always been a "heels" girl. :(
I am MISSING you more than you could ever possibly know...
Forever and ever and always,
Your Cowcie