Everyone keeps saying that time will make this all dissipate and that it will someday be replaced with something beautiful, something peaceful, something so different than what we are feeling now. I simply do not know how this can be. As time progresses, the missing only grows. My heart breaks a little more each day knowing that this is forever. You used to be part of my forever. I wasn't ready for this. You would be the one celebrating with Crown Royal when Brady "popped the question". You were so excited he was going to be part of our family and had already bought a special bottle and stashed it away in the cupboard. We found it the day after you died and I dissolved on the floor. You were the man that would peek into my dressing room a bit early on my wedding day and tell me how beautiful I looked in my dress. I had envisioned this just as many times and just as intensly as I had envisioned how my husband would look at me as I walked down the aisle. The one man I loved most in the world handing me off to the other man I loved most in this world. You were the man who told me you would take me to New York one day. You had taken Mom last year and she loved it...she chatted away about all of the things you did and how much fun you had. I didn't want to go until I got to go with you as I knew how excited you would be to show me around the city. You were the man who would hold my babies and instantly fall in love with them just as you did with Sabrena and Luka. I will never know what that's like now...they will know you, but only by the stories we tell them and by the pictures of you I display. You were the man who made my entire life so magical. Purely magical. I can't fathom what this world going forward could possibly be like without you. I am uncertain of many things especially these past few weeks, but one thing I am certain of...I wasn't done loving you and I wasn't ready to love you like this. Forever and ever missing you Papa...
Your Cowcie
4 comments:
The nice thing Cowcie is you never have to be done loving him...I miss him more and more each day as well, but I also know that my love for him will never waver...Your wedding day will be special regardless because Dad will be there in spirit with you, no one can replace a father, I know that too, but he would have stood back,smile, had a cigar and a grand marinier and just relished in the fact that you made it, just like Mom and I will that day...your babies will have so much to know and love of him as I will make sure that they know how great of a Grandpa he was, Bean knew him and loved him, Luka loved him, but didn't get to know him enough and he will need the stories too...know this Cowcie, your family will make sure your kids know their grandpa and we can never replace him on your wedding day, but Mom and I will make sure you know that he is there with all of us celebrating the day he bragged about to so many people, the day his little girl became someone else's whole world the same way that you were and always will be his....I love you Cowcie and am proud to call you my sister, Love Brother!
Oh honey....my heart is breaking for you. Tears are running down my face. I know you feel cheated with all the things that would have been. Life can be so unfair sometimes, so unfair. But know that he is with you always. He will be right there by your side when Brady pops the question, and he will peek in on you on your wedding day. Remember all of the beautiful times you had with him and all of the wonderful things he taught you. Trust me, his magic lives on through you. You always talk about how people were drawn to him and how he could light up a room. That very much reminds me of you. Or about how generous he was...that's you too. He is within you. He will be there. He will see all of the beautiful moments in your life.
I'll see you on Saturday. {BIG HUGS} MCNR
Cassie Girl..I already e-mailed you but the tears just continue for me as my heart breaks for all of you. You are so special, you have to know that your Dad has placed that special spark in you and you will continue to only SHINE more. You had so much in common: your love of life, photography, sense of humor, the sparkle in your eyes, how to tell a story like nobody's business, and the list goes on and on. You will now go forward strong and beautiful and continue to hand down that special spark to your children some day and everyone that you meet as well. You will share it with Brady and your Dad will be so happy for you. It hurts so much now it is hard to imagine but it will happen and he will be with you always.....Nathan we love you and are thinking of you every day......Love Q
Oh Krysta- my heart really does break for you and Nathan. I'm so sorry for the pain you are in. Everything that you write about your dad or how you are feeling is such wonderful therapy for you. Your heart is so painfully on your sleeve. You are very lucky that you have Brady. The few times that I have seen you two together, I can tell he loves and adores you so very much. He will be your rock when you need it. And you will be his when the time comes that he needs you.
I know how hard it is, to want your father at your wedding. He will be, through song, through thoughts- his spirit will be there. He will be there walking you down that aisle and holding your hand. Trust me he will be there.
You will always think of him, shed a tear, think of him and smile. But time really does start to heal. I know now it seems impossible, but it will start to ache a little less.
Take care Krysta-
Post a Comment